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Sunday, January 30, 2011

Unusually imperfectly Complete

The memory of that night refused to evade my senses. It was almost like I was living it, now, every moment of my day. I woke up with vivid sensations of that day's insanity. Some other days, I try blocking out the images that keep resurfacing, try blurring them out. But things don't always work the way we might want them to. Life keeps whining, successfully.

The house was spewing chaos. The laughter, the shrieks, the dances, the singing, the chattering. Everything, but silence. The party, on in full swing. Celebrating my having turned 20, or something like that. As much as I wouldn't have wanted to be here, I was trying to defy my own weak self. Which lay cringed in its loneliness, refusing to shut the tears. A person of few words, I am not, but this weak self, had reduced me to a pitiable state wherein I could say nothing at all. These are things that a broken heart does to you. Shutters your basic self-esteem. Hampers your vital thinking process. Gosh, seemingly, I have been watching a lot of movies these days. Staying at the party, watching others happy, right now was not my thing. As much as I didn't want to go to him, since it definitely is not meant to be, I had to go to him, tell him how I've always felt about what we had.  As I started to run away, I couldn't help but think, that maybe its the movies that are making me over-react, they definitely have a part to play. The Wuthering heights-s, the Casablanca-s, the West Side Story-s, the Anna Karenina-s. But its not just about them, its about me, and its about him. The broken heart, blah blah. People shouting out my name from behind. I ran, even faster.

Adolescent love..
Child-like, a little crude
full of funny promises..undone.


He was going, in two days, maybe. It was ending, whatever there was. We were determined to end it, the remaining pieces, scattered.
We were like two children, always running away from each other, running back together. We were imperfect, in ever sense of the word. Unusual. Unusually-imperfect. Unusually-imperfectly-complete.
Has anyone ever known a feeling like that? It was not meant to be, whatever there was between us, but what. is about to end, should not be happening either. He should be going, because, us together makes no sense, but him going, is ridiculous too. I kept running, without much of a thought in my head. My feet begged me to stop, begged me to gather some respect, asked me to head back home. I kept running. [R. E. S. P. E. C. T.]
I kept running.
After having been asked to get out of his heart.[ R. E. S. P. E. C. T.-the mind resonated]
After having been told, that I don't mean much. The legs were begging. I didn't stop either.
Finally did, in front of the same house, that I'd been so accustomed to stopping in front of. It was a sullen night, the trees incoherent, as much as the heart, which had many things to mumble, but barely did anything escape.

We are the love makers,
and the break-ers too.


We hold hands, and we run. Barefoot, without a care in the world. Into the world, where everything is right, even us being together. His body was like clay. It changed the way I wanted  it to change. Cold first, warm later. Then so warm, we begin melting. The lips touched, parted again. He sank into the couch with me, and I saw a moment of confusion in his eyes. A moment of indecisiveness ensued. He covered me up with his shawl, kept me warm, kept me covered. And we stared into nothingness,sitting close to each other, only hoping, that the night would come, for us to be where, that day, we so wanted to be. The time might come, when we would resolve the differences and look for reasons to be together. Hope, is a soothing feeling. It soothes the pain of separation. It soothes the pain of all the differences that exist. It soothes the pain of wanting to move forward, yet wanting to run away at the same time.


I sometimes can't figure out whether all that happened, was for the better. We were imperfect, yet it was love, alright. A part of me is glad we're not together, and a part of me is aching for him, still. Conflicting emotions, much?




P.S. The guy and girl, have their fair share of differences. That does not make them any perfect. And also, the guy is leaving in a couple of days, so their relationship is not meant to be. But love is a weak emotion, which makes the girl do something, she did not wish to do, that is bow down, and lay bare her weaknesses. opposite emotions?



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Have you ever had such magical moment when you felt such strong emotions? Although the girl doesn't want to go to the guy since they can never have a future together given their contrasting ideas, yet, love wins over her, and she has to go. I am sure you have a story to tell too, share your thought as a comment here or on the Close-Up Facebook page. This post is participating in a contest, please vote for me on Indiblogger by clicking on promote there, if you want me to win! Thanks!


32 comments:

Ajay Kontham™ said...

Hi. Nice post and was good to read.
And
We recently won The Stylish Blogger Award and now we are passing it onto you. Cheer's to dancing in your own way! Congrats and enjoy. Find out award details here: http://www.imagination19.blogspot.com

Thank You.
Take Care.

Deepika said...

Complete... yet there's a desire for more. The feelings untold, the words unsaid. If stay inside might trigger a havoc.
All the best for the contest :)

Rafaa Dalvi aka Mr.Charismatic said...

Nice stuff... The confusion in the girl can be related by everyone... Loved the line 'And we stare into nothingness,sitting close to each other, only hoping, that the night would come, for us to be where, today, we so wanted to be.'

Keep writing... All the best!!

The Silhouette said...

Hey, Hi
Well, Love it is...there is no right or wrong, its that moment that matters...
Like you said, theirs was a love that wasnt meant to be, but then, love is never practical. you cant "setup" love, can you?? like we say, it happens...it just doesnt matter if she wants him and not at the same instant, but in his arms she has her world, may be for that moment alone...
Love is never a set of rules, infact, its vice versa...it doesnt have to follow any rules...and like the wise had someday said,"All is fair in Love & War" , so be it...
:)

Regards,
The Silhouette...

p.s. - when i read my own comment now, it feels like a mindless banter...kinda got hyper after reading it.
:)

ok i forgot to comment on your writing, hmm well, it is good, but to be honest, it loses that grip which you so famously exploit in your writings...your previous posts keep the readers wanting to read faster, the intrigue, the thrill that you build, that aint there gal...
:(
but overall, nice.
remember i told u? your last two posts have raised the bar?? its god, put in some more effort, you have done it twice, surely can do better...
:)

Truck Driver said...

Hi loved it, really nice post.

And yes, love has this power of making us fall in its trap. No matter what situation we are in love always captures us and make us do the things it wants.

shrey said...

Awesome post... It really feels nice to see that pure love and the emotions of the mind playing with you... those colors even though dont blend well together they have to for their love...

Love is a war, after all nothing worth having, can be had easy!

God bless you with the guy :)

Schizophrenic said...

Meh, its an awesome post, bit different from your regular posts, but nonetheless good. I don't know why , but it seems incomplete or like something is missing to me.

Good work! Keep it up!

:)

Meher S B said...

@Ajay Thanks for commenting. As for the prize, thank you so much. I'l do the required notifications the soonest possible. =)

@Deepika Love is a subtle emotion, many things are often left unsaid. Thanks for commenting.

@Rafaa Thank you.

@The silhouette I'm not sure about this post living upto the last two posts' set standards. =P What I do know, that the girl is confused, thus, her feelings can't be clearly explained.

apeksha said...

It's beautiful, you know it. Amazing writing is when it brings out an emotion within you, stirs feelings you think you have long buried. Your writing does just that. I can totally relate to the confusion the girl is feeling and it makes me all nostalgic. Amazing one, Meher! Good luck! :)

MangoMan said...

Sweetly amazing! Welcome break from the schedule! (:

D2 said...

Well written. I especially loved the narration in the first paragraph.
Love may be singular or a set of possibly conflicting emotions.

The guy and girl had their beautiful time together and that is why, probably, it can either go on or not end perfectly. Nothing remains perfectly complete. That's where the title of your post comes in. :)

Uday said...

Well written. Love the way it flows and knowingly or unknowingly, it defines the love and its side effects.

Splurgerina said...

I didn't know of this other blog of yours! Anyway, this is wonderful! Love the complex. conflicting emotions -- how there is no right way to go...the incompleteness and unfinished business is what makes this so real and relatable...a perfect modern day love story!

I voted for you on Indiblogger hon!! Hope you win :)

R-A-J said...

Beautiful, Ms Manda. All the best :)

Here's my story:
http://fu-ck-lo-ve.blogspot.com/2011/02/fire-freeze-moment-of-my-life.html#comments

Meher Manda said...

@abhi Exactly =)

@Shrey uhm, its fiction, actually. But yes, love always comes with its share of conflicting emotions.

@sneha The girl is confused, so most of the things she feels are better left unsaid.

@Ape I'm glad, it stirred something inside you.

Meher Manda said...

@MangoMan thank you.

@D2 You understood it perfectly well. Thank you.

@Uday thanks for dropping the comment.

@Splurgerina thanks so much. Hugs.

@R-A-J thanks.

mysterygirl said...

hey nice one...it has a lot of emotion and it reaches out to a large number of people...there must be many people who were or who are going through this.....

appreciable :))

Reflections said...

Good post.Interesting observations about love and other emotions involved :)Keep it up!

Debby said...

Very observant. I enjoyed reading the post.. there was a relatable factor about it. Good luck!

♥ÐÅyÐяєÅмє®♥ said...

Seriously speaking...
if there no differences between the two...then relationship loses its spark soon.. I know it is hard to take a decision.. but I guess a little break might help you take the jump..but never jump if you are not sure...it is better to be sad then sorry...

good luck for the contest..

my story is here...
http://www.indiblogger.in/indipost.php?post=46830

♥ Duchess ♥ said...

Amazing amaZing Post meher...keep writing like this..
where every1 can relate :)

Meher S B said...

Thanks all, means a lot. =)

Ritz.. said...

Woww.... very very interesting read... well articulated .... enjoyed my visit here

Read mine and if you like vote for it :
http://delectableflavors.blogspot.com/2011/02/convenience-of-escapism.html

Ritz..

Sarathi said...

Really well written..pretty intense..loved the flow of it..Cannot really relate to it but maybe thats what love does ..

c1012 said...

HEY MEHER.....
GRT STUFF.....THE GUY REALLY ADORED HER...

NICE PLOTTING...
KEEP IT UP...!!

Tanaya said...

we are the love makers..and breakers too...loved the line.. you have this unique style about you..really enticing..would have loved to know the guys side of the story..great job none the less..

Apporv Dadhich (ADDY) said...

I am Speechless.....

Somewhat similar story was what i read in "The BOWLED n the Beautiful".....where in the end the girl leaves the guy as there was a contradictory future....the girl without telling the boy keeping him blinded left him alone and left him away forever..................

Tarun Kumar said...

brilliantly structured and nicely paced..desperately want to know what happens next..btw awsum blog..wish to be here again..

summi said...

Good post.Interesting observations about love and other emotion.. good going girl..... :)Keep it up!

danyal said...

love the way you write meher..great narration..too good.. choice of words are noteworthy....

roma said...

meher this is amazing! yes we'v all felt these emotions at some point in our lives. but somethings are never meant to be, and you only realise that when time has passed and you're only left with memories to cherish or hate!
Hope you win!

megharana said...

i simply don't know wat to say bout love when it comes to practicalities y is it so different from ideal love definitions !!!!!!!!